Doodles from the Expectant Dad

Over the weekend, my wife and her best friend suggested that I throw down some of my thoughts on becoming a father. Voicing my opinions about the goings-on of married life and the expecting treasure growing in my wife's belly sounds quite fun and entertaining, but I'm often troubled with the relativity of the action. Who am I writing for? I understand it's mostly for my wife to better know me through my words, but can someone else truly benefit from it? Of course you can! I can and You can, whoever you might be. You have the choice to continue on or to stop reading. Just like the radio station, change the channel if you don't like what you are listening to. And since you still here, I'll get on with the good stuff.

But wait just a minute! A quick rant about the radio since I brought it up. First off, what makes the United States, us, different from China and North Korea? How about the freedom of speech? Secondly, I personally didn't like Howard Stern, but I think radio is not as varried a place anymore since he isn't on the air. His views don't matter to me, but I still think they need to be said because they are his views. They are important, therefore they shouldn't be censored from the airwaves. Hmm, it just doesn't feel right to me that some people can have their words printed or said over the airwaves when others have just as polarizing messages to the opposite way, but still get air time. Freedom of speech goes both ways. Glen Beck can say whatever he wants. Micheal Moore can say whatever he wants. And you know what? I'm glad they can!! Because that is what is needed! More voices! People who are sticking up for their own thoughts, willing to argue over principles, justice and morality, I'm afraid, are often lost in their own lives. Do what is right. Exercise your freedom of speech. It's what the forefathers were counting on.

OK! Simply put (after that long rant,) I can't tell if I'm scared or not about being a father. *blink* *blink* Yeah, I said that right. After staring at it for a moment, realizing it was true, I'm allowing myself the time to gauge and really asses my feelings. But this takes a few statements about who I am to really understand the description I'll give regarding my disposition. First, I Love unconditionally. Second, I know what it is to be loved unconditionally. And third, Love is Life. What I mean by that is I love life unconditionally and with all of myself. I'm a glass half full with sugar on the rim! If I haven't impacted someone's life every day, I feel that I haven't lived my life fully. I have a gift to share, and some may believe that I will give to much, but I will never give to much of that which constantly overflows. Love is all around us. Just take a second to be startled into confusion, rendered to tears, shamefully jolted, or joyfully taken aback by the amount of Love that is around us. It is there, but you must bring yourself into the moment to experience it. Let Love in.

I'm very blessed to have a wife as amazing as I do. I read her blog and she raves about me all the time. Its payback time!! Haha! But seriously, how lucky am I? I've known Nicole for almost ten years now thanks to my best friend who introduced us. Our anniversary was in August, and after four years, I can honestly say I am madly and deeply in love with her still. It's sad to think of many people who aren't actually very happy with their relationship because they don't want to take it to the next level! But I pity them because I wonder if they even know what is really out there for their relationships? How wonderful it might actually be if they worked harder at loving with all their being, and discovering more of themselves for having done it. 10% of your brain is used for cognition and active logic and thinking. The rest is storage. Think of what you could do with 30% more brain usage? The same applies with how much love you actually give. I'm very sure that each time I kiss Nicole, she GETS IT! She KNOWS the amount of love that is there, and sometimes it might even overwhelm her. But that is what other friends and family and customers are for! My cup may overflow, but of course not in the same way that I feel for my wife as I do for my customers and their families. We have a special bond that can reach across many miles and make my heart smile through a memory, a random text, a picture, or a song on the radio.

My love for Nicole has rendered our relationship stronger than ever. A by product of that love is one of the greatest gifts I can possibly imagine. A child. Can I imagine cooing over a cute face, one that I would tirelessly work to support and love and cherish? Absolutely. Without question. And knowing that it really was a product of a shared love makes it that much more of a miracle! LIFE! YES! A triumph, a gift, a blessing, a life. More importantly, I have another person with whom I can share my love with, and I sometimes imagine he will share it back in such great volume, I'll break down and weep over its sheer beauty. He may not understand what love is until he is older, but he will know what it feels like to be loved. Unconditional and unrelenting. As selfish it may seem for me, I can't wait to be loved back by him. Spencer, my little warrior. Slaying apathy, I can imagine himself being a little preacher. But whatever he chooses to be, he'll be great to me.