...so much more than just a dream...

An intriguing remedy to complacency is a swift kick in the ass from a dear friend.

And suddenly realizing you love something far more than you've known.

Opportunities are often obscured by one's perspective. I would consider myself extremely blessed with my upbringing. I have a terrific work ethic, a strong sense of social justice, and an otherworldly ability to empathize while listening wholeheartedly to another human being (ßrun on). I thank my dad for my work ethic. I thank my mom for my good sense of right and wrong. And I thank the world for providing a continual need for someone to listen to their story.

Around every corner, we can assume there is a story about everything from the trees planted in the ground to the skyscraper dividing the horizon. Someone needs to tell their story, and often times I'm willing to set aside my every thought for a moment of sharing. I'm not complaining about it at all, just contemplating my worth. In a sense, I've somewhat shifted and devalued my time to give it up for someone else. Selfless as that sounds, it is true on all too many occasions. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to hear what has to be said, but I've been awakened recently to the story of my life. Unfortunately, I’ve been missing my life.

Take a deep breath in through your mouth, and exhale slowly through your nose. Repeat twice, then read on.

Call it selfish, call it stupidity, call it whatever, but I'm finally noticing the real sacrifice of my decisions to remain the person I currently am. It is an act that I truly haven't asked permission to be. Granted, it works. My family and I get by, but is it truly who I want to be? Of course not. What I want is to be more of a central piece in this family than I currently am. If someone were to view a film strip spanning the lives of Nicole and I, I'm sure they would say we are a great couple. But I would know the difference in what I envisioned for us than their perspective of what our lives look like. I'm torn by my iniquities. I want this to go on no further!

I beg for forgiveness from the potential we've had! We could be so much greater than we are! I am that much better of a person to realize my vows to my wife mean more than what I've regarded them. Imagine having the skill of Van Gogh, but only doodling two point perspectives for eternity! What a waste! No more!

Love can give a lot more!

Leia Mais…

Lessons and Learning

Ever wonder how we began to learn? If Adam knew everything he needed to when he was created, did he know how to teach having not been taught? His children and their children weren't with all the knowledge in the world (no pun intended of good and evil,) therefore who taught them? Just a thought...

I believe this; communication through written and verbal means is an amazing thing. The amount of shared knowledge astounds me to the point of understanding that I'll never know as much as I'll be able to handle and yet the information will continue to expand exponentially. Funny to think that I could lock myself in a resource room for years, the rest of my life even, and not make a good enough dent in the world's knowledge to know a 10th of it. Simply amazing.

Of course my memory serves as a better lubricant of losing knowledge. Fleeting thoughts aside, my knowledge of how to live with my son grows substantially every day! My clients fill me in, my family contributes, and most importantly, Nicole shares her already vast trivia in child rearing. I even get a few emails from national websites serving up the latest trends of parenting. All this information is extremely handy and entirely relevant of course, but... something is missing.

OH YEAH, EXPERIENCE!!

Not to say that I don't learn from books and verbal direction, but I can't wait to learn with a hands on approach. This means I will probably fail a time or two, but at least I'll be figuring things out from a standpoint that my brains likes the most. I'm a hands on learner. Show me a schematic for a house, and I'll be able to build it; no problem. With my hands and eyes and my brain. Telling me that things should be this way, or reading just words, and I may lose the intended lesson.

I'm analytic, but I'm a big picture kind of guy, and knowing how all the small things go while addressing the needs of a child builds the necessary foundation of how I should and shouldn't parent my child. Things need to make sense in the entire scheme of things in order for me to understand the smaller steps. Order is important, but if I do D, A, B, E C and still get the same result in the end, then I'm usually ok with that. Efficiency aside, when I get home from work, I know what chores must get done, but I have no routine about getting them done except that they should all be done before I hop into bed.

I'm told to get a routine, it helps make the baby's life easier. What about the baby who doesn't like routine or doesn't find one? I'm somewhat convinced that many kids that are labeled ADD are simply the kids that need to be taught a different way. They are like me, a global thinker, knowing what result needs to happen, but not so sure the way to go about making it happen. I wasn't the best student in school unless the lesson was competitive. I knew that if I was competing, I was winning something in the end. Tell me to do a math lesson, though most of the time easy, I didn't have the big picture in my brain to tell me why this was important. I didn't know where the lessons were taking me. Who is to say that ADD kids aren't normal? Only those whose brains are wired a different way. Analytical thinkers. The people that ask the "why" question, wanting to find the reason behind the cause so they can use it in the future. Decidedly, they are the A-B-C kind of kids. The school system caters to them, and calls the others ADD. Not to lump them all together in such polarizing groups, but its funny the way I see it.

Which ever way Spencer turns out, I'm not going to label him. I'm going to communicate with him. Sitting down and learning how he learns. That will be the greatest way over any obstacles keeping me from helping my son succeed in life. I'm willing to do take on that hands on challenge!

Leia Mais…

Doodles from the Expectant Dad

Over the weekend, my wife and her best friend suggested that I throw down some of my thoughts on becoming a father. Voicing my opinions about the goings-on of married life and the expecting treasure growing in my wife's belly sounds quite fun and entertaining, but I'm often troubled with the relativity of the action. Who am I writing for? I understand it's mostly for my wife to better know me through my words, but can someone else truly benefit from it? Of course you can! I can and You can, whoever you might be. You have the choice to continue on or to stop reading. Just like the radio station, change the channel if you don't like what you are listening to. And since you still here, I'll get on with the good stuff.

But wait just a minute! A quick rant about the radio since I brought it up. First off, what makes the United States, us, different from China and North Korea? How about the freedom of speech? Secondly, I personally didn't like Howard Stern, but I think radio is not as varried a place anymore since he isn't on the air. His views don't matter to me, but I still think they need to be said because they are his views. They are important, therefore they shouldn't be censored from the airwaves. Hmm, it just doesn't feel right to me that some people can have their words printed or said over the airwaves when others have just as polarizing messages to the opposite way, but still get air time. Freedom of speech goes both ways. Glen Beck can say whatever he wants. Micheal Moore can say whatever he wants. And you know what? I'm glad they can!! Because that is what is needed! More voices! People who are sticking up for their own thoughts, willing to argue over principles, justice and morality, I'm afraid, are often lost in their own lives. Do what is right. Exercise your freedom of speech. It's what the forefathers were counting on.

OK! Simply put (after that long rant,) I can't tell if I'm scared or not about being a father. *blink* *blink* Yeah, I said that right. After staring at it for a moment, realizing it was true, I'm allowing myself the time to gauge and really asses my feelings. But this takes a few statements about who I am to really understand the description I'll give regarding my disposition. First, I Love unconditionally. Second, I know what it is to be loved unconditionally. And third, Love is Life. What I mean by that is I love life unconditionally and with all of myself. I'm a glass half full with sugar on the rim! If I haven't impacted someone's life every day, I feel that I haven't lived my life fully. I have a gift to share, and some may believe that I will give to much, but I will never give to much of that which constantly overflows. Love is all around us. Just take a second to be startled into confusion, rendered to tears, shamefully jolted, or joyfully taken aback by the amount of Love that is around us. It is there, but you must bring yourself into the moment to experience it. Let Love in.

I'm very blessed to have a wife as amazing as I do. I read her blog and she raves about me all the time. Its payback time!! Haha! But seriously, how lucky am I? I've known Nicole for almost ten years now thanks to my best friend who introduced us. Our anniversary was in August, and after four years, I can honestly say I am madly and deeply in love with her still. It's sad to think of many people who aren't actually very happy with their relationship because they don't want to take it to the next level! But I pity them because I wonder if they even know what is really out there for their relationships? How wonderful it might actually be if they worked harder at loving with all their being, and discovering more of themselves for having done it. 10% of your brain is used for cognition and active logic and thinking. The rest is storage. Think of what you could do with 30% more brain usage? The same applies with how much love you actually give. I'm very sure that each time I kiss Nicole, she GETS IT! She KNOWS the amount of love that is there, and sometimes it might even overwhelm her. But that is what other friends and family and customers are for! My cup may overflow, but of course not in the same way that I feel for my wife as I do for my customers and their families. We have a special bond that can reach across many miles and make my heart smile through a memory, a random text, a picture, or a song on the radio.

My love for Nicole has rendered our relationship stronger than ever. A by product of that love is one of the greatest gifts I can possibly imagine. A child. Can I imagine cooing over a cute face, one that I would tirelessly work to support and love and cherish? Absolutely. Without question. And knowing that it really was a product of a shared love makes it that much more of a miracle! LIFE! YES! A triumph, a gift, a blessing, a life. More importantly, I have another person with whom I can share my love with, and I sometimes imagine he will share it back in such great volume, I'll break down and weep over its sheer beauty. He may not understand what love is until he is older, but he will know what it feels like to be loved. Unconditional and unrelenting. As selfish it may seem for me, I can't wait to be loved back by him. Spencer, my little warrior. Slaying apathy, I can imagine himself being a little preacher. But whatever he chooses to be, he'll be great to me.

Leia Mais…